Wild Woman calls…

Cross-posted from Brave New World:

I am in the midst of a palpable Facebook conversation. I love those! People show up and share their hearts & minds, from all over the world. What a great way to hold the pulse of the world.

Being inspired by Samhain, my question this morning was “what does it mean to remember, to embrace and to embody a Feminine lineage?”
One woman responded: “I love this juicy question. It means that we follow our wild hearts, that we dance with Mother Earth, that we stop apologizing for our tears, that we tell new and old stories, that we sit with juicy questions, that we throw our arms around each other in circle… and so much more.”
Another one wrote: “it’s time to return home…” There are certain images, words, teachings that once I have a contact with them, I have this sudden knowing, innate resonance that “this is true!”.
For example this image:

When I first read Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ phenomenal book “Women Who Run with The Wolves”, I was awestruck how much of these deep feminine truths were hidden from my psyche. It was like uncovering a part of me – of the deep feminine psyche – forgotten, hidden, left alone for one’s safety.

“Within every woman there lives a powerful force, filled with good instincts, passionate creativity, and ageless knowing. She is the Wild Woman, who represents the instinctual nature of women. But she is an endangered species.”
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype

Wild Woman is an endangered specie. What a revelation this has been for me. It literally defines this big body of truth and when I hear this statement, my body goes “oh, yeah…” I know this because the wild woman of me has been tamed since my birth. We come from generations and generations of women severed from their instincts and knowing, with amputated psyches who had to bare execution, misogyny, torture, rape, ignorance, gendercide…

Let us listen to Dr. Estes again:
“So why, if this is all so and too true, do women keep trying to bend and fold themselves into shapes that are not theirs? I must say, from years of clinical observation of this problem, that most of the time it is not because of deep-seated masochism or a malignant dedication to self-destruction or anything of that nature. More often it is because the woman simply doesn’t know any better. She is unmothered.”

When I look at the world I see a lack an “unmothered” world. The world is in the state it is right now because women’s mothering capacity was severed over the past 5000 years. This is a tragedy.

But the pendulum swings back and forth. It is now that time when the pendulum is swinging towards the Feminine and something extraordinary is happening in our world: The Wild Woman is waking up, stretching its long and slender arms and limbs to shake off the numbness dust – “It is safe to come back to the world. We are not going to be extinguished, exterminated, crushed utterly.” – she’s starting to sing again her powerful songs, expresswaterbeds.com life-songs, and we her mystresses are coming back to life with these songs we begin to hear from the depths of the Earth. Underground, we put our ears and bellies on the earth and listen, in awe of remembrance, that we are larger than life and that we have been made small and powerless by an infatuated patriarchy.

We do not obey any longer.
We do not make ourselves small.
We do not backstab one another.
We are entering another era
with song and dance
emanating from our bones, from our cells.
Our collective memory is being activated
and we shall not live like the zombies anymore!

We shall not. We are coming back to life. Wild Woman is calling us sweetly, seducing us to get naked in truth, come out of hiding, dark corners, dusty closets, damp caves, even from our graves where we laid down dead before we died…

Come out and play!

The wolf is calling, the hummingbird is calling, the river is calling!

One by one, the healers, the dancers, the courtesans, the priestesses, the empresses are showing up by that river that is flowing very fast now. We drop our robes and enter the river of life naked like the day we were born. There’s no turning back. We now swim together – not against the current – but with the furious rapids longing to take us home…

Let this be the time of remembrance. The songs and the dance will bring us back to life.
The wombs will be healed to mother the world again.

 

*The photo with the wolf and the woman is not mine. I do not know the photographer unfortunately.

Precarious Joy

When I heard the call of my Soul three years ago, I first went to Greece for a retreat. I spent 6 weeks at an olive farm, pretty much in constant silent and stillness and in intimate conversation with a semi-wild land which opened me to a relationship with the Earth larger than anything I know. Not only physical nature – soil, rain, sun, wind, trees, animal beings – but with her soul as well. That’s when I started writing poems to process and express my experience of opening, surrender, falling in love…

This is one of the poems from that time. It felt appropriate to share here for Earth Day.

precarious joy

I stopped everything and I am waiting
listening to her rumbling, trembling, shuffling…
I am a midwife
awake through the night
listening to the whisper of the full moon
who says:
you need to surrender your fears of annihilation
and enter your own life.
sink your teeth into the divine body of love
that holds the creation together
and the consciousness
that binds us is expanding,
penetrating, dancing, weaving us
I am listening to her
as she moans, thrusts, throbs
and I stay awake with her
I love her
how I love her
in her fullness, in her wholeness
as she is shape shifting,
taking us on the wildest ride of our lives
along with her
right into the underworld
riding towards the eternal spring
gasping, breaking open, bewildered
as we gaze through the chaos window
I am sitting, waiting
looking at her deep blue waters
and I am ready to dive in
to catch the life she’s giving birth to
I can see her coming
I can hear her arriving
oh what joy!

originally posted at Magical Mystery Tour
February 2010

 

*Visual art called Childhood Dream by Siddhartha Saravia

Birthday Confessions: The Well of Grief

March 16, 2012
Berkeley

The well of Grief

Those who will not slip beneath
the still surface on the well of grief

turning down to its black water
to the place that we can not breathe

will never know
the source from which we drink
the secret water cold and clear

nor find in the darkness
the small gold coins
thrown by those who wished for something else

David Whyte

Today is my 37th birthday.
Rain is pouring and an incredibly dense fog is filling the space outside. Lots of water coming down right now.

How is it that the weather is so much like my inner-experience right now?
It”s quiet in here, I, me and myself. It”s kind of weird to contemplate on grief on my birthday but that”s what present for me right now.
Yes, I have finally found the well of grief within.

No, I could not go there before even though I feel like I”ve been late to get here. I probably tried. I hit the bottom before, quite a few times and it”s different. In fact, I am not at all hitting the bottom; I am actually at quite a high in my life right now. And apparently this is the right time “to slip beneath the still surface on the well of grief”.

I do have an understanding that this happens for the best of us. It”s part of being human, probably a very elemental part too. So, let”s see, I know I am not alone here…In fact it is thanks to those people who take a step toward me to witness my dance with grief and hold space for this process that I am able to go there now.

I am circling around this well. First of all, there is awe for having stumbled upon it, metaphorically, in the middle of a meadow full of flowers. It”s right here, it”s been right here all this time, in bright day light in front of my very eyes. I must have passed by it many times before.
Now I am intrigued. I am circling around it and peeking down into this deep, seemingly bottomless dark void. What is in there?

That deep, seemingly bottomless dark void is within me. Inside my belly. This void is both empty space – emptiness – and home to all of the unpleasant experiences, emotions and aspects of my personality that I”ve been rejecting all my life. I”ve been hiding them here ever since I was a very young child.

This void is also death. what eats away my life if untended and ignored. I am hitting my deadline. Cannot be ignored any longer. It”s time to dive in. I only can imagine what awaits on the other side.

This void is also full of gifts. The gifts that I casino jameshallison know of but don”t know about yet. The void is the mystery that slowly enchants me with its elusiveness.

Am I afraid?
Are you kidding?
What if die in there? What if I get lost and cannot find my way back out? What if the monsters that I cast away eat me alive?

You know what scares me most?
To actually fall in love with myself. What that might mean in my world, how it might change everything.

It will change everything. That”s why it”s worth risking everything.

There is more than one synchronicity that is helping with this opening.

More than a month ago I changed my diet. I stopped eating dairy, sugar and gluten. I stopped eating starch. Which is what I do (or did) when I feel a dis-ease, a difficult emotion, a disturbance in my field. I now understand that it was a habitual act of numbing myself through food. Yes, food addiction. A few weeks after I stopped eating the food that”s been numbing my emotions, I had to confess to myself that I”ve been a food addict for most of my life. Desperately and unconsciously trying to fill an emotional hunger which was unknown and invisible to me. This is the dirty-secret the billion dollar diet industry do not tell the people struggling with their bodies, sometimes throughout their lives.

It”s pretty simple. When I stopped numbing emotions as well as my physical body, I started noticing a level beneath the self-limiting patterns as well as really allowing these emotions to be expressed. If it”s frustration, it”s frustration. If it”s anger, it”s anger. If it”s grief, it”s grief. The one and only thing I can do, let them come, be present,witness and let them pass. The only way is the way through.

With all of this came truth-speaking. First and foremost, to myself. And then to people around me.
Yes, I am a food addict. Yes, I have unexpressed anger and grief within me. Lots.
Yes, I did internalize all the criticism and blame directed at me and recreated it for myself over and over again.
Yes, I”ve been numb emotionally and shut down for a long time. A really long time.

This list goes on and on.

And these tender wounds that open and open themselves to me,
they break my heart open to the grief in our world.
and there”s only one thing that rushes to fill the opening…

LOVE.

who knew unraveling could be a great gift for one”s birthday? that one can be grateful for finding the well of grief within?

and this is only the beginning.

and then it was time…

This piece was shared at my current project website Brave New World. Happy 2012! 

***

10, 9, 8…

My belly is pushed against Hers, my arms wrapped around Her body,
my face leaning into Her chest

7, 6, 5…

I hear the humming, I hear the clapping,
I hear the fireworks

4, 3, 2…

I smell the bark, I smell the sap,
I smell the soil.

1!

H a p p y   N e w   Y e a r !!!

This is how I entered 2012. My belly pushed against a giant cypress tree in the middle of a park in San Francisco. 20 or so other people around me doing the same thing. Then we spontaneously formed a circle and started toning, ringing in the new year.

2 0 1 2

“In 2012 be prepared for the peripheral to move toward the center at high velocity. Curve balls will come from all sides. The shadow world will rise but so will evolutionary leaps: highly conscious new leaders will emerge but so will dangerous extremists; new spirituality bringing forth the collective soul will spark communal imagination as never before even as some reach greater influence as merchants of spiritual snake oil. Where on the periphery of your own awareness is the new light pouring in with vast energy to transform and where are the old seductions ready to take you on a detour? The game is accelerating, be ready.”
James O’Dea

I am aware of the myriad prophecies around 2012 but I did not study them in depth. Yet when I look around me, when I really look with my heart’s eye to our World, I know we are in a profound transition.
And when I listen deeply, I know we are in a profound transition.
And when I dance and sing and this sacred body opens up to the oneness of Life, I know we are in a profound transition.

There are so many ways of knowing and we are remembering them.
There are so many ways to love  and we are remembering them.

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Anatolia Youth Leadership Jam

2011 proved to be an incredibly creative and abundant year in terms of bringing community together in my homeland Turkey. I am happy to share yet another invitation to support a youth leadership event in Turkey this fall.

With the partnership of YES! , we will be hosting the first Anatolia Youth Leadership Jam, September 2-6, 2011. This particular jam is offered to young social change agents residing and working in Turkey.

The Jam is not a conference, seminar or a typical meeting. Instead, It is a gathering for three different levels of change: the internal (self), the interpersonal (relationships) and the systemic (the whole).  Jams are described as a point of convergence for diverse visionary leaders, with the goal of helping them to be more sustainable, strategic, and effective in their service to their communities and the world. For more information about Anatolia Jam, please take a look at the invitation.

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An invitation to celebrate our journeys

 

 

We are inviting a small group of our friends, known and still to be known, to come to the South of France for a three-day weekend of inquiry into authentic life journeys together.

I and two friends – Valentine and Aaron -  have met in the summer of 2009 in Istanbul just as we were stepping into our journeys to the unknown and since then have been journeying together, witnessing each other, meeting and sharing a similar quest on pursuing an authentic path. We often ask each other:

“what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

For the third year we are gathering to reunite, share our stories and inquire deeper into the next level of the journey, to cook, play music, and have fun. And we would love to have a wider circle to share it with.

The invitation is for our friends that for one way or the other have been with us in our journey, but also to fellow companions who feel called to enter this journey and take these 3 days as a time of reflection, connection and fun. The days will be guided by a light flow which encompasses poetry writing & journaling, trekking, cooking and playing the Flow Game  hosted by us.

Along with your burning questions, we offer the following questions to guide our conversations and inquiry:

  • What is an authentic, hand-made life?
  • Where is my authentic path calling me NOW?
  • What do I need, to step more boldly and walk more confidently on my authentic path?

For more information, please take a look at our invitation

let the dance begin

“All of life needs us to be a channel of light and love right now. We are not separate cultures or separate countries. We are all going through an initiation together. We are all connected to one web of life.”  Sandra Ingerman

A new day…a new moon.

These days, each day feels like a new birth, a giant revelation for the human kind, a big blossoming possibility for healing and stepping into unity consciousness.

The pendulum is swinging, the Earth is roaring, the humanity is awakening.

Each day brings a new gift, a sacred remembering, a profound trembling as we awaken to our full potential and wholeness embedded in our flowering universe.

Today”s gift is the video you can watch below, called “Dear Woman” in which Gay Hendricks, Arjuna Ardagh and a group of Conscious Men from around the world offer apologies to women for thousands of years of imbalance between masculine and feminine energy, as well as vision of a new era of co-creation.

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Unity Consciousness

click on the photo for a bigger version

in love with everything

I recently discovered a clan of women writing about the heart, the Feminine, being a woman, being an authentic woman, being real and spirited, walking the joyful path of life-affirming service, the love, the beauty, the divine and many more resonant, vital matters. This poem was inspired by them and so dedicated to them…

When We, Women, hold hands, hearts and pens,

and speak from the center

of our truth, vulnerability and love

I feel like smelling

the deep dark humus of the Earth

the soft, life-bearing, alive soil,

so rich, so abundant,

so ready to nourish the seed

that contains new life

waiting to burst

and crack open

wild beauty

juicy,

eager,

in love with everything.

*

A love letter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today I want to write a love letter.

yes, a love letter…to the divine.

and to Mother Earth.

and to life.

and to mySelf.

and to all of you.

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